ramblings of a hopeful romantic | 🎨 art blog: divo.waterfall.social | ☕ commissions: ko-fi.com/rdivo
heres my wisdom gained today: if you write to a government agency on facebook messenger about some paperwork that you need and you get an automated message instead, DO NOT lose all hope and start looking for help in other places. maybe start looking in other places but FIRST at least turn on notifications for that blighted social media platform. otherwise you might miss the coveted actual human reaching out to you exactly one day later, and only find out when you casually check again 6 minutes later after their business hours have closed for the week. the curse of HASTY
IM FRANTIC. OH MY GOD. I WAS 6 MINUTES LATE. 6 MINUTES. AND NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO WAIT WAIT ILL MAKE THE CALCULATIONS NVM IM GONNA HAVE TO WAIT 2 DAYS MORE OR LESS TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. FUCK. IM SO HAPPY BUT FRUSTRATED AT THE SAME TIME. HAPPY ANGY. GODDAMN. IM GONNA HAVE TO WAIT..... I HATE WAITING. BUT I CAN DO IT JUST LIKE IVE DONE MANY TIMES BFORE. I CAN DO IT. I WILL DO IT. I HAD SO LITTLE HOPE... BUT TH WORLD IS BRIGHTER THAN IT SEEMS. HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT AND THE NIGHT AFTER WITH THIS UNBRIDLED EXCITEMENT BURSTING OUT OF MY CHEST. HOLY FUCK. IM NOT INVISIBLE
im so pumped also its like 2 am for me i got my sleep interrupted oh my gooood
its here. i have to go pick it up
been having daily traumatic flashbacks. thats my big struggle rn i guess. the human mind is truly the ultimate factory of joy and horror
oh my god.
im sooo happy. im so happy. its incredible. there are no words to describe how happy i am. i did it. i survived rock bottom. i made it through. im on the other side. im alive. im here. i am here. im just. its just so crazy that the future doesnt exist yet until the moment that you get there. you bite and claw your fuckin way there. and then the fuckin mission impossible door closes behind your back and it NEVERRR opens again. NEVER. its DONE. the future doesnt exist yet and the past is a memory. 🤷 dude. i am metaphorically in a folding chair watching the sunset. not literally bc i dont have a folding chair. yeah my chest binder only gets here in a couple days but it is coming instead of being stuck in the limbo of "when am i gonna be able to place the order?". its coming. because i made it happen. ❤
not a smart idea to take a shower before writing and reading important messages (dizzy emoji) im strong. im powerful. ive been rolling with the punches all week and i dont stop. dont get the wrong idea. its not talking that gives you the sickness. its a good thing. phone is not a sick object that you have to avoid. the sickness comes from somwhere else.
i did it i feel extremely confident again. this is the real me. this is my actual personality. i love being a little obnoxious, it never killed anyone.
here i am trying to send messages again. i feel like this is gonna take up the rest of my evening
ugh arms and neck hurt and ive got a scar but that hot shower really helped. gonna text a sun emoji to signal that im not just awake but alert now
i got a fresh cut but im crying too hard to take a photo. anyone wanna wish me a happy birthday? would really appreciate it. k...
i just got new trauma 🙁 fuck this shit, i had enough already. goddamn assault and verbal abuse. fucking nightmare. but it is a little bit funny to post abt it like a new pair of shoes. fuck its hard to see the keyboard thru tears. its like. no. i am not going to dignify this shit by treating it like a grandiose thing that defines my life and i can never get over it and it gets like a whole chapter in my biography or some shit. fuck that. i resent that. im just so fucking sad and temporarily defeated and full of hatred for the ppl that have wronged me. but my friends are supporting me and thats the most important thing. i will survive utmost cruelty. im surviving already. i survive injustice and cruelty. i survive
the minutiae of food as a love language
cooking for a friend. cooking together. sharing the food. serving each other the food. and drinks. eating together. burning your mouth bc you couldn't wait any longer. praising the cook. intensely personal toasts. eating is vulnerable. when you're hungry you're needy. when you're full you're heavy. maybe warm. probably unavailable for a kiss. yeah.
okay the fight is over for today. gonna listen to the come (x5) along now song
sooo ridiculous that whispering too much can strain your throat. its literally the lowest effort thing i can do with it. that's like if overclocking and underclocking a processor were both intensive tasks. ok i don't actually know if that's the case, it might be. that would also be quite ridiculous. but anyway. so much for subterfuge and surreptitiousness.
ok lets put all the cards on the table. no dancing around it. i have some kinda condition that makes it so if i dont talk to my friends often enough i get sick. i get physically diseased. my body starts falling apart. but talking to them gets rid of the symptoms. so you have the disease. and you have the medicine. i have to take the medicine. skipping a dose only makes it harder to take the next one. so. yeah. its not about how likeable i am or worthy or something about guilt or selfishness or whatever. this is about my health. and for as much as i complain about the many things that are out of my control, this is the one good thing i can do for myself and for them and for us. to meet our needs. i have this one thing and nobody can take it away
the willpower that i just had to exert to stop myself from following the selfie i sent to a friend with "idk is sending selfies like a vanity thing? because i dont mean it that way. i just wanna say "hi" by like showing you my face you know?". my friends are cool!! its okay i dont need to nervously explain everything that has even the slight chance of being taken as a mildly annoying thing. thats not me. thats the anxiety speaking. and it can babble away at my ear all it wants but in the end im the one pressing the send button 💋
i feel like death incarnate dude. time to listen to the wide putin walkin song
yeah i love drawing. end of the post
i win the world 🎁 i love living. i love life. being a human rules. the moments of happiness make it all worth it
MARCH 16? ITS BEEN 6 DAYS HOW DO I FUCKIN be kind to yourself. be kind to yourself. be kind to yourself like you are for others. would i have a problem? no. and they know. so they dont either. they dont hate you theyre just chilling. theyre chilling. chill with them. chill with her. chill. home. youre home. chilling at home. chilling at home together. enjoying each others presence. together. yeah.
WAKE UP YOURE REAL AND THEY LOVE ME
im mentally repeatedly falling thru the floor into a soaring blue sky i need to reply to my friends messages
dude ok. i was in the middle of writing a post about how i wish there was more naturalistic voice acting in animation bc improv comedy is not the only way to use that potential. like how much more flavorful can a casual conversation or any dialogue involving strong emotions be if the characters are not reciting some perfectly composed speech punctuated with few if any strategic filler words?
and then i was like wait a minute. why does any irregular speech pattern have a bunch of connotations associated with it, and they're almost always negative?
think about it. "too many" or any filler words are for annoying teenagers, smug and lazy and dumb people. stuttering means you're nervous, aka a socially awkward loser and/or a suspicious liar hiding something. awkward pauses, slurring, stumbling over your words or mispronunciations are all a statement of your trustworthiness and intelligence. dont even get me started on non-standard grammar and dialects because holy sociopolitical implications batman.
and then i realize i'm not even talking about media anymore, these are all real life assumptions that people have while interacting with flesh human beings who are in all likelihood not trying to present themselves as unintelligent or untrustworthy, it's just that making the mouth noises to live in a society is a bit of an ordeal.
and you know what doesn't help? media that constantly reinforces assumptions about irregular speech patterns that make people treat others as less than.
what i'm not saying: the concept of scripted dialogue is evil because all writers have a hidden conformist agenda or are complicit in it!!
what i am saying: can we all just be more patient and not judge people when they talk in "weird" or "annoying" ways but are otherwise just trying to exist? also i would love to hear more naturalistic voice acting bc variety is the spice of life
okay i just had a great idea hold on