kissa you

✨ rené | 20 | he/him | ⚧️⚣ | personal chatter of a hopeful romantic | art blog: dv-art


Posts tagged schoolening:

"Even so, the campaign for female suffrage did not fully take off until 1903, and required the special circumstances of the First World War to succeed."

hm. you sure you wanna put it like that, james w. curran? as if The Feminism just could not have happened without the... "help" of an unrelated world war? thats not how social movements work


im enforcing decisions!! im making certain decisions reality!! decision time!!! ooooooheiohightk

i was so impatient i scheduled the session for today, half an hour before a two hour class, resulting in me sitting in the same spot on my bed for a total of 3 and a half hours, i am unbelievably stiff rn.

i just had to watch a movie called "our brand is crisis" for school and hoo boy its so baaad wake me up insiiide its just such bland american liberal bullshit but you just Know that the "creatives" thought they were really on to something. oOoohh did you know electoral campaigns rigged? and politician lie? and propaganda? it really makes u think

sandra bullock is a relatable depressed person with a perfect cottage in the woods. shes just too good for her fat woman and black man sidekicks. shes a career woman. shes a hashtag girlboss. shes so quirky look she carries a Native American inspired pottery bowl (??) around as an amulet and she eats potato chip (SEE THATS SO QUIRKY)

its cool how she has no values or aspirations whatsoever and its only out of spite for his pasty rival that she suddenly decides to do anything and everything despicable to make a conservative fuck the president of an Exotic Latino Country

guys its ok!!! cause in the end when the conservative does what conservatives do, which is to fuck over the people, she has a big white savior moment and becomes part of a... latin american solidarity org? and theres a new hope for the future (that she fucked up in the first place)!!!

this story is based on real events guys. except for the whole twist. nevermind that. and most other things. ok its actually a very loose fictionalization. almost like it shouldve been presented as that, instead of suggesting that this kinda cookie cutter styrofoam pellets in a cardboard box of a narrative has any significant connection with reality

i want to realize that when everything is said and done school aint shit. like. i try to do the thing. i try to do the work. so i can put the knowledge in my head and the skills in my hands. so i can work with that. so i can do other things (beautifully put if you ask me). but thats all i can do really. just try. and thats what i do. but like. theres something so much bigger going on and thats what makes it so hard for me to do anything. including school. its like. i suffer. i suffer every day. i cry. yeah im still crying. its like the floodgates opened yesterday or really the day before except i didnt parse it as crying because im a distracted mess. and since then its been an almost continuous thing. im trying not to freak out about it. not to catastrophize. theres nothing wrong if i keep crying like every day for a while. that means that i need it (and god knows i need it). it doesnt mean this is gonna be me for the rest of all time or anything. it just means that i'm in pain. and ive been in pain for so long that i dont know what not hurting is like. or i do know, but im pretty sure thats moments when the pain gets so bad and/or persistent that i get numb as a response. hypoarousal and the like. but maybe some of those moments weren't like that, just not being in a lot of pain. i dont know, thats the thing. i dont know what normal is. i know that ive never been and will never be "normal" by anyone elses standards. but i also dont know what my own normal is or if i even have one. but thats beside the point. im just. in pain. feels like im bleeding all the time. its just the flow of the thing that fluctuates. can i heal? can i ever heal? ive had some pretty healing moments and conversations with people i love, i think. i remember the fact of having them, at least. not much about the moments themselves, or the people. because i have such shitty memory. i forget good moments that i want to remember. i forget people i love and the reassuring words they say to me and the things they do for me that i want to remember, even if it was the only thing i could ever remember. but i forget having felt feelings. and i lose that. i lose all that. what am i left with? the shitty things. the shitty people. the trauma. the regrets. and the shitty present, where im suffering and out of my mind, and i desperately need some sort of reminder that it can get better. but fine. maybe i cant have that. thats fine. ive accepted it. but i need something else, anything to keep me going. just, anything. to hold on to. so no, i cant take a test. i cant do an assignment. i cant even send a message. im writhing in pain. im crying my eyes out or waiting for a chance to do so every waking moment. i go to sleep and have nightmares that i forget about but they still somehow burn a fear into my memory anyway. im on fire. im sick. and ive been sick for so long that its made me weak and disoriented. something needs to change

i was feeling absolutely terrible a few minutes ago but now after an Ablution im just sad and tired. no sarcasm, thats progress! i was so hyped (which in my current emotional state is like a slight skip of the heart) to work on a translation but i cant do it bc i have to do some school shit and thats gonna drain all my energy. which is disappointing. but its fine. therell be another chance

i feel like i need to wash off the utter smugness emanating from an article by one john ritter and his lawyer buddies on efforts to shed legal english of unnecessarily obscure latin terms. like... hows the weather up there on your giant monster horse? your pristine white ivory tower? the dark crevices of your starched up colon?

feels so good to hand in an assignment with a kinda weak last point. like. yeah its too short and i wasnt sure whether to elaborate cause it was gonna get too long, or not, and honestly i didnt fully understand the question but what are you gonna do about it? nothing. cause its due at midnight. it is what it is. and im gonna move on with my fuckin life!

gonna go over the key structural arrangements thing and then call it a night. this is a pretty fuckin dull part

"Rating the Presidents"

"president-watching is a favorite pastime among political scientists"

"compared with the Congress, the president has only modest constitutionally expressed powers. nevertheless, presidents over the years have consistently exceeded their specific grants of power"

"The Electoral College"

"presidential candidates are well aware of the necessity to garner a majority of the electoral votes of the states. so in their campaigns they generally concentrate their efforts on the "swing" states--those that are judged to be close and that could swing either way--and give less attention to states that they feel are solidly in their column or hopelessly lost"

"indeed, it is possible to win the presidency by winning the electoral vote in just eleven states"

"the Constitution does not specify what happens if competing slates of electors are submitted by one or more states. This problem is left up to the full Congress to resolve"

wow sounds like an extremely functional system to me oh how blind i was to the merits of representative democracy ms. harrison brb im gonna go take the "are you a liberal or conservative" quiz now

i think its very sexy of me to instincitvely take whatever readings im given and turn them into easily digestible itemized lists, comparative charts, etc. that are useful for everyone

so yeah i got to give the presentation today and it was great. then after that we talked abt brexit and huh i forgot that it had actually passed. took a lot of corruption to make it happen. but anyway i uploaded my slick powerpoint for future reference and to promote the art of slideshow design. im gonna take a nap

ok lets go back to the drawing board and assess the mfcukin situation so i can go to sleep peacefully tonight. i need to open the virtual classroom and see whats up.

worst case scenario: theres a huge assignment thats been there since like the weekend and its due tonight at midnight and theres no way i can hand it in in time

what the FUCK do i do then: i shouldnt miss it anyway. just make it sloppy and hand it in anyway. tough pill to swallow but its the only option i want to go with, therefore its the only one i can allow

best case scenario: theres nothing to hand in for now. just a reading or something that i can do tomorrow no problem

what do i do then: sleep. dont stay up. youve been exhausted all day and now thats its dark diurnal animal sleep time.

most likely case scenario: theres an assignment that i can do and hand in no problem.

what to do then: that. and then sleep.

okay. that was sobering

aaaand class is cancelled, its gonna happen tomorrow instead. okay. at least i embellished my SICK slides with some illustrations of lawyers n shit

i feel like a dumpster fire. i feel like im going to die in four hours or something. its not even abt the blender. ive already forgotten about that. anxiety. bc im giving a presentation in 2 and a half hours? probably. but i should rlly calm down. its not even a normal presentation, im just sitting in front of my computer showing the powerpoint slideshow and i could have like a bunch of notes in front of me.

i guess im anxious bc the last class was a complete mess so i should check on some things to ease that. 1) does facebook work? yes i can get the meeting id no problem. 2) does zoom work? yes it opens up and its online. 3) good internet connection? hasnt faltered since i woke up. 4) my notes are fresh and spicy? im about to review them now.

itll be a matter of 20 mins at most.


1) theres no skype call today. good i didnt need that kind of rigamarole anyway.

2) no make up work per se, just passing allllll the assignments from now on so i can stay in a good place in the course. i can do that. i FUCK with the subjects we're dealing with anyway.

thats it actually thats two things. im not missing anything. of course it was a chunk of text bc of the aformentioned Niceties.


im about to read her reply to my email but i dont know if i can do it!!! fuck!!! i could call my friend and be like hey i need your fuckinggg support can you ust be there on the other side of the line while i do this!!!!! but i dont wanna bother her, and she wouldnt mind but i wanna give a bit more back to her before i keep asking more of her, ok? another time that this happens, i can go to her for sure. but today i dont think i should. but can i??? can i fuckigng do this??? HUSHDSDJHSDa WHY IS THIS SO HARD its hard bc of anxiety. fear of rejection. okay. okay. here. lets do this thing:

worst case scenario: hey :) (niceties, very formal, collected) sorry you cant do this course anymore, unfortunately you missed the window of time to complete the requirements. try again next year.


best case scenario: heyoo :)) (still nice tone, still very reasonable) yeah its fine ill send you some make up work so you can catch up. join us in the skype call in 15 minutes

most likely scenario: heyyy :^) (nice as FUCK) i may or may not require some make up work from you and/or extra assignments and i may or may not let you join the skype call cause maybe were dealing w some advanced stuff that you have to catch up on


did that calm me down? yeah actually kind of. i think i can look at it now. i think. i thinmnkkkkkk.

today's subject is gonna be debates so im gonna have to try really hard not to drop the hot take that debates are utterly useless as an educational tool bc theyre a test of rhetorical skill not an evaluation of the raw anticlimactic facts

oh. call's not happening cause everyones connection is too garbo. okay.

ideologies and surprise red scare bs on a textbook

classical liberalism: john locke: "the inalienable right to life, liberty, and property"; thomas jefferson: the "natural aristocracy" of talent, ambition, and industry justifies the existence of class; "liberal economics" is just capitalism. throw this one in the trash.

modern liberalism: only wants to "reform" capitalism, not replace it with anything better. still protecting that private property. a glossy paintjob of humanitarianism on top of the decrepit ruins of capitalism. useless.

neoconservatism: quote by charles krauthammer. creepy declarations of bloodthirst for "existential enemies". it doesnt go into much depth. but i know that conservatism is always bs. get out of here.

modern conservatism: "a free-enterprise economy" aka free market good cause freedom good. "human nature" disorganized and violent, existing law and tradition good. oh the guy who said that was a complete royalist. pathetic lipservice to slow and incremental social progress to discourage revolution. preserve the "wisdom of the past" (MAGA). assimilating into strong institutions like family and church repress the "selfish and irrational" impulses of individuals. traaash.

libertarianism: just crank deregulation all the way up. hurray capitalism. do you really need all these separate names if its all the same shit??

neoconservatism: war pigs who hate commies and steal oil from iran.

fascism: aight nothing new here lets just skip it

communism: wow its the only one that mentions class I WONDER WHY... though calling the dissolution of class and seizing of the means of production a "dictatorship of the proletariat" is uh. an interesting choice.

socialism: also want to take down capitalism but are unwilling to get violent and think that peacefully using the existing tools put in place by capitalists is gonna work. also still want a government whos the one making decisions. flimsy. halfway. weak. useless.

its like the weirdest thing to read all this and a comparative chart to find out Are You Conservative, Moderate Or Liberal? they keep coming back to how much "the government" should or shouldnt be involved with "the people" like thats two completely separate and disparate things, which is just the completely wrong mindset. who do you think ends up in that mythical place, "the government", "the (only) ones in power"? thats right. normal regular people. well not really. but therein lies the fuckery.

oh here we go now. "the US has a vital continuing interest in promoting democracy and economic reform in Russia" yeah sure buddy. "Why Communism Collapsed" proceeds to describe a dictatorship like it was the marxist ideal come to life and oooh!! look where it got THEM!! and it all started with that pesky proletariat taking down the monarchy. red scare!! RED SCARE!!!

tired of this shit. how did it take me so long to realize this is an american textbook. where else would you find such shameless proper gander? AAAHJ NEVERMIND SPOKE TOO SOON i just needed to get to the last paragraph of this fucking chapter.

Capitalism does not ensure democracy; some capitalist nations are authoritarian. But capitalism is a necessary condition for democracy. All existing democracies have free-market economies, and no communist system is a democracy.

Above all, the communist system denies individual freedom, political pluralism, and democracy. Force, repression, and indoctrination can be effective over many years. But at some point, the universal human aspiration for personal freedom and dignity emerges to challenge the communist order.


okay looks like im about to read about 7 major ideologies. will any of them not end up violating human rights in some form or other?

lookin at the virtual classroom rn. okay. she didnt even look at the assignment i handed in? or she didnt put up the feedback? i have to look at the groupchat to know whats going on.... okay... gonna open up whatsapp. opened up whatspp. okay. they just say read chapter 3 on ideology. alright. no problem. im gonna do that right now.

well here i am writing a report on apostille procedures