kissa you

✨ rené | 20 | he/him | ⚧️⚣ | personal chatter of a hopeful romantic | art blog: dv-art

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batman: tas batman sleeps in pyjamas but with the mask still on. zoom out and catwoman is doing the same thing and is clinging to him. even more zoom out and joker and harley quinn are also there.

then it cuts to alfred whos still awake in the kitchen trying to perfect a recipe and it looks amazing, but there are bats outside the big tall windows trying to get in and thats distracting. its like 3 am. joker walks in like he owns the place and talks way too loud and takes the cup of coffee that was supposed to be for bruce.

bruce is so pissed off about the coffee that he goes out as batman to moodily swing around the city with robin and complains about having to put up with the three of them (possibly a polycule???) and robin just nods along meanwhile his internal dialogue is like "but you're the one who brought them in"

(this was just the last dream, the rest are below)


first a novel about a kid who wanted to be a theater triple threat against his parents wishes and there were a lot of trains and train stations with a slate blue palette, and hats/headgear acted as symbolism for occupations/your place in society so it was up to me, his whimsical young adult friend and train employee, to deliver a purple wig to him and say something motivational.

then a futuristic apocalypse in a big white-blue mall with a lot of chrome and clear glass and a huge drugstore section where the vibrant colors of the products popped out. people used makeshift colorful weapons to raid it for medicine sinc that was scarce. there were way too many people trying to get in and it was very confusing. then we took it outside and it turned into the standard urban chase dream.

third was hannah montana before her rise to fame hired a camera crew to film a music video in her neighborhood and they told her that camera operating was a cutthroat business bc once they signed a contract they couldnt stop rolling the camera without being told to and they couldnt tell anyone about what they witnessed. one guy said he had to film someone mess up their fingers. and hannah was just like. wow im just a teenager i didnt know the truth abt showbiz...


ok this is gonna sound like utter nonsense but somehow ive realized what the thing is with me and animation and live action. i prefer animated stuff so so so much because it can look literally however you want. but live action? its trying to be real or realistic. except when its explicitly trying to be heightened and unreal, which i prefer over more realistic stuff. and ok this applies most to mainstream stuff cause i know there are ppl out there pushing the medium to its boundaries. but the mainstream. heres how i see it.

it shows me footage and tells me: "this is real". and i cant help but be like "no its not. stop trying to tell me that this is real on any level. i know its not". and by that i mean that if there isnt something else to distract me then all i see is laboring bodies on screen. idealized bodies, selected from a subset of society that diets and works out to keep that unreal shape.

and i hear you say: look for works with more diverse body types. but let me get to the face. theyre also idealized. theyre conventionally attractive, even if they have one or two deviant flaws those just add interest or iconicity to a conventional package.

but wait, thats not a fabrication. there are indeed conventionally attractive people out there. im just saying, theyre probably not you or me or our friends and families. well maybe youre one of them, but be honest, how many ppl in your circle and environment look like movie stars? most of them? nah.

ill go one step further: heres the real fabrication. no real person really looks like a movie star because none of us spend hours in the makeup chair creating an impossible face. and now shapewear is popular. but its still not like an everyday thing. at least men dont go around dehydrating themselves and oiling up just to emphasize their six packs.

all this to say. what is so much of live action film/tv? fake bodies and faces that they keep telling you its real with the same transparent obstinacy of advertisement and porn. conventionally attractive people telling the stories of/for the whole rest of the world. rich people, more often than not. a stylist gives them an impeccable hairdo and then touches it some more to simulate some messiness. not too much tho, just enough to make reference to the idea of carelessness.

it can be impeccable yet mechanical at the same time. you can leave a camera running in front of these glamorous bodies and get footage that way, get your product.

but with animation? im not looking at bodies on screen. if celebrities want to exercise vanity then all they have is their voices, and that can only get them so far. suddenly their bodies are just as invisible as those of the animators, the designers, concept artists, illustrators, editors, etc.

basically all im saying is the standard mechanics of live action media distract me from the entertainment by making me think abt how we live in a society, while animation is my jam because im an artist and even the most low effort animation puts the artists at the forefront, not by flaunting their bodies, just their creations. and that makes me feel some good type of way


you did good you did good you did good dont start with the critical thoughts without aknlowledging first that you did good and you finally read it.

still,, it took me five hours. and now its nine pm. and shes probably asleep. and what she wrote is "what can i do to help?". i know its great right???? its great. except i dont know. i dont know how to reply to that. i dont know what she can do to help me because the fucking therapist cant. shes giving me practical tools to apply to reality right now, technically, kind of. but not tools to accomodate my shit to do schoolwork. not yet. thats like an advanced thing. and thats a problem because thats like the most pressing thing in my life right now. i just. i just fffffffffff

progress. its progress. its progress. its forward. im not stuck. im not frozen in a living hell unchanging. its good. its good but dammit i dont know what to tell her. i have to talk to the therapist first and thats tomorrow, and. whatever. we'll figure it out. itll be fine. ITS FINE SHE DIDNT say anything other that HOW CAN I HELP YOU thats an AMAZING thing. im surrounded by people. who want to help me. god. god. i just need to wait. i just need. to wait. just wait. just wait. just.

tomorrow. we figure it out tomorrow. i just have to eat and sleep now. eat and then sleep.


i watched a rlly cool anime and i need to talk abt it 😊❤️💕

its called!! Ai no Gakkou Cuore Monogatari (literally The Story of Heart, School of Love) which can i just say is such a delightfully blunt title. its based on a book from the 1880's but i think its so much better and ill tell u why in a sec.

its about this class of italian schoolboys. they have a nice teacher and sometimes to mix things up he tells them these morality tales. thats about it. its all cutesy and soft and sentimental. simplicity at its best.

like half the eps are character studies of each important kid as the protag gets to know them. and somethin i appreciate is that all of them have distinct faces, head shapes and bodies and NOT ONE of them is the designated "ugly" one.

the rest of the eps are like. the parade. someone has family drama. the bully kid bullies someone and then we support the victim. oop time for an epic morality tale. outdoors summer fun. the circus.

its SO chill esp compared to the book which flipflops between mundane playdates or trips and sudden death, illness or bloody accidents (thats not bad per se, i just have a problem with the way it frames some of this violence and suffering).

so the anime takes all this material, a character moment only mentioned in passing becomes a whole scene, disconnected stories get rearranged and tied together, and BAM the whole package turns out fuller, rounder and more cohesive.

the last 4 episodes are the most loosely adapted because... in the book the bully gets expelled. the protag thinks he'll probably go into the juvie and we never see or hear from him again. ?? okay???

i dont wanna spoil it but that is NOT what happens. like, at all. its very. very very different. its not like he "gets" redeemed, okay. redemption or character development or change can only come from the inside. thats all im gonna say. its the specifics of the story that are rlly touching and sweet and, again, pure sentimentalism.

and even tho its just at the very end i rlly think it elevates the whole show!!! bc the story does not have the same impact disconnected from everything that happened before. recontextualization, thats what it is. its GREAT. its great. i love it


oh my god WHAT. WHAT. WHAT DID I JUST WATCH. AN EPISODIC SLICE OF LIFE SHOW WITH. A DRAMATIC FOUR PART FINALE. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT im going insane. you cant do this to me. EXCUSE ME?? WHO gave you permission to DO THIS TO ME

yeah i cried. i cried because they changed EVERYTHING about the ending. but they changed SO LITTLE but that little changes EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING. and its SO MUCH BETTER. ASTRONOMICAL ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE better than the book.

i just. suddenly. theres so much more MEANING and HOPE. and THE WORLD IS KIND. and PEOPLE are kind. and they DO care. they care SO DAMN MUCH you dont even KNOWWW cuz you think youre some sort of irredemable wretched monster but THERE IS A WAY BACK. THERES A SECOND CHANCE, THIRD CHANCE, FOURTH CHANCE its NOT over and done.

i didnt ask for this. i just thought. some light fluff and a bit of melodrama. I DIDNT EXPECT to take this show SERIOUSLY. and then it GETS SERIOUS and i dont have a CHOICE anymore.

I LOVE IT


ok last post for tonight bc i feel like its kinda important to note this bc its so absurd and strange.

its just like in the fuckin cartoons. everything is so grey and lifeless and flat, so flat. and shallow and meaningless. i just hate everything and everyone for no good reason. but its not strong hate, just passive annoyance. and disinterest. im so bored. SO BORED. everything. is so. BORING. and NONE of it matters. not a SINGLE thing. nothing.

im an artist. when im feeling more normal i live for color, color is my world. but rn i feel like if i look at something too colorful ill have this fuckin violent reaction like AAAH IT BURNS like complete negative emotional overload with a sensory element i guess.

sometimes i ponder over the phrase bored to tears bc ppl use it metaphorically and here i am so profoundly disinterested in my own existence that im overcome by a feeling like grief over the loss of purpose, direction, etc.

my stomach turns and i get a feeling in the back of my throat like when im sick of eating something, except im sick of everything that has ever happened in my modest lifespan, including the amount of repetition in this godforsaken post.

this is like my depression manifesto. this is what its like and by god. i dont care WHAT i have to do, i dont care how long it takes (im already ok with working on it for the rest of my life). im fucking. changing. i am change. i am metamorphosizing (sp?) into a byootiful butterfly. a sexy beast. oh my god.

now im crying again bc i just thought of all the parties im gonna be in. all the friends im gonna make. all the love and passion. all the art that im gonna make. all of it. just all of it. its all i ever wanted. and ill be there for it all


im emotional bc of hormone hijinks but bear with me. fuck. just fuck this. this whole thing. fuck my relationship with sleep. what is sleep? its nothing. im literally doing nothing. thinking nothing. the ultimate escape. ok this is starting to sound upsetting so just in case ill put the rest under a cut


sleeping = not existing for a bit. so this state of wanting to sleep just always and forever? upsettingly similar to sui ideation. and thats so fucked. i dont need to tell you how fucked that is. why. why the want to escape it all. even the good parts. i thought we had reached a point where the good things keep me going thru the bad ones. and i guess thats technically true, but wheres the fucking joy and elation and excitement and rush of blood to the limbs and the head that comes with the good things? that tell you that thats what happening and its not just endless nothing? its so fucked up to live begrudgingly, unenthusiastically, utterly unmoved. its so upsetting to just sit there and look at the fucking clock numbers change and the sun move across the sky. its so wrong. its so wrong. i hate it here. i hate these 4 stupid walls. and the bigger walls outside of them. im so dead and shrivelled up and blackened inside and im also the gardener watching that depressing disaster happen, crying (im crying rn) and screaming what the FUCK do i do. what the FUCK. its so frustrating. downright fucking torturous. its just. yeah. im just in pain. empathetic and sympathetic to my own suffering. and that takes a toll on me. ngl.

itll be ok, after all of this. im not running out of time.


me: getting that good sleep!!!!

my brain: hey wake up. wake up. remember that wander over yonder forum roleplay you did in like 2016? you completed that. with like 100% original illustrations for longer posts and everything. and then the other person asked you permission to adapt it into a fic and post it to their ao3 account. and then they told you when they posted it and you checked it out and they hadnt even tried to credit you. so you asked them to do that and they added a footnote. anyway what was that thread even about? it was something about watchdogs. like was it about any ship? probably not lord hater/commander peepers. or was it?? you were totally peepers, but the other person didnt seem like the type to be able to handle hater. so... wander/peepers? that was a thing. wow. i used to be so into that. actually allll the mains have such amazing chemistry and wholesome moments of tenderness im really not surprised that a considerable number of ppl were like yup! theyre a polycule!! and everyone else was like sounds legit. imagine that. anyway. maybe it was abt peepers/a watchdog oc. or maybe maybe ahh this one is probably not it but just watchdog oc/watchdog oc. cause that was also a thing, holy shit. we all watched that episode where they humanized the comical evil villain disposable identical goons and got to cranking the oc machine. thats when i first realized with my big galaxy brain that its rlly dark and edgy to be a mindless cog in a machine... the military industrial complex. wander over yonder literally radicalized me. wander over yonder made me accept my gay and transness by projecting onto a certain character. i dont even wanna say who but if you watch the show then you KNOOOW. anyway i wonder if i could ever find that thread. i remember being very meticulous with the writing and feeling proud of that. and the illustrations. but i dont remember any of my esoteric usernames from that era....


i just had to watch a movie called "our brand is crisis" for school and hoo boy its so baaad wake me up insiiide its just such bland american liberal bullshit but you just Know that the "creatives" thought they were really on to something. oOoohh did you know electoral campaigns rigged? and politician lie? and propaganda? it really makes u think

sandra bullock is a relatable depressed person with a perfect cottage in the woods. shes just too good for her fat woman and black man sidekicks. shes a career woman. shes a hashtag girlboss. shes so quirky look she carries a Native American inspired pottery bowl (??) around as an amulet and she eats potato chip (SEE THATS SO QUIRKY)

its cool how she has no values or aspirations whatsoever and its only out of spite for his pasty rival that she suddenly decides to do anything and everything despicable to make a conservative fuck the president of an Exotic Latino Country

guys its ok!!! cause in the end when the conservative does what conservatives do, which is to fuck over the people, she has a big white savior moment and becomes part of a... latin american solidarity org? and theres a new hope for the future (that she fucked up in the first place)!!!

this story is based on real events guys. except for the whole twist. nevermind that. and most other things. ok its actually a very loose fictionalization. almost like it shouldve been presented as that, instead of suggesting that this kinda cookie cutter styrofoam pellets in a cardboard box of a narrative has any significant connection with reality


i want to realize that when everything is said and done school aint shit. like. i try to do the thing. i try to do the work. so i can put the knowledge in my head and the skills in my hands. so i can work with that. so i can do other things (beautifully put if you ask me). but thats all i can do really. just try. and thats what i do. but like. theres something so much bigger going on and thats what makes it so hard for me to do anything. including school. its like. i suffer. i suffer every day. i cry. yeah im still crying. its like the floodgates opened yesterday or really the day before except i didnt parse it as crying because im a distracted mess. and since then its been an almost continuous thing. im trying not to freak out about it. not to catastrophize. theres nothing wrong if i keep crying like every day for a while. that means that i need it (and god knows i need it). it doesnt mean this is gonna be me for the rest of all time or anything. it just means that i'm in pain. and ive been in pain for so long that i dont know what not hurting is like. or i do know, but im pretty sure thats moments when the pain gets so bad and/or persistent that i get numb as a response. hypoarousal and the like. but maybe some of those moments weren't like that, just not being in a lot of pain. i dont know, thats the thing. i dont know what normal is. i know that ive never been and will never be "normal" by anyone elses standards. but i also dont know what my own normal is or if i even have one. but thats beside the point. im just. in pain. feels like im bleeding all the time. its just the flow of the thing that fluctuates. can i heal? can i ever heal? ive had some pretty healing moments and conversations with people i love, i think. i remember the fact of having them, at least. not much about the moments themselves, or the people. because i have such shitty memory. i forget good moments that i want to remember. i forget people i love and the reassuring words they say to me and the things they do for me that i want to remember, even if it was the only thing i could ever remember. but i forget having felt feelings. and i lose that. i lose all that. what am i left with? the shitty things. the shitty people. the trauma. the regrets. and the shitty present, where im suffering and out of my mind, and i desperately need some sort of reminder that it can get better. but fine. maybe i cant have that. thats fine. ive accepted it. but i need something else, anything to keep me going. just, anything. to hold on to. so no, i cant take a test. i cant do an assignment. i cant even send a message. im writhing in pain. im crying my eyes out or waiting for a chance to do so every waking moment. i go to sleep and have nightmares that i forget about but they still somehow burn a fear into my memory anyway. im on fire. im sick. and ive been sick for so long that its made me weak and disoriented. something needs to change


im p sure these kids were involved with the power ranger fanclub that this was for. maybe members who won like a prize or something. what im saying is, good for them. they look like its a fun time for superfans. but i personally wouldnt have wanted to be part of that historic moment.

cause i just know that i wouldve tried to follow alpha around wherever he went and the director wouldve been like "nonono now you have to pretend to make cookies" and i wouldve been like "BUT I WANNA BE WITH ALPHA I WANNA BE NEXT TO HIM HES MINE" and the person in the costume wouldve been like "can you take care of this? im not working overtime for a christmas thing nobodys gonna watch"

and years later i wouldve realized that in my devotion to my crush-before-i-knew-what-a-crush-was i had made my robotic beloved kinda uncomfortable and with that knowledge i couldve never stomached to watch the special again. so its a good thing


"Rating the Presidents"

"president-watching is a favorite pastime among political scientists"

"compared with the Congress, the president has only modest constitutionally expressed powers. nevertheless, presidents over the years have consistently exceeded their specific grants of power"

"The Electoral College"

"presidential candidates are well aware of the necessity to garner a majority of the electoral votes of the states. so in their campaigns they generally concentrate their efforts on the "swing" states--those that are judged to be close and that could swing either way--and give less attention to states that they feel are solidly in their column or hopelessly lost"

"indeed, it is possible to win the presidency by winning the electoral vote in just eleven states"

"the Constitution does not specify what happens if competing slates of electors are submitted by one or more states. This problem is left up to the full Congress to resolve"

wow sounds like an extremely functional system to me oh how blind i was to the merits of representative democracy ms. harrison brb im gonna go take the "are you a liberal or conservative" quiz now


dont ever come to me saying that something is good for the economy or bad for the economy. "the economy" is nothing. that word means nothing. its an amorphous blob of a concept. concepts dont have values or wants or needs. they dont live in the world. stop with the bullshit and tell it like it is.

PEOPLE live in the world. PEOPLE participate in "the economy". WHO benefits from policies? and social movements and institutions (and the rules that they establish and the power that they exert on society?) youre talking about money? where (from whom) does the money come from and where (to whom) does it go?

resources. natural resources, land, a building, manufactured products, internet connection, intellectual property, citizen status. WHO has them, why do they have them, where did they get them, HOW did they get them? and why are people starving (you KNOW its happening)?

stocks??? that shit is not real. its rich ppl in uniform gambling with the livelihoods of the rest of the population. number go up, you get more money (or not). number go down, you get fired from your job. correction, its not even humans doing the gambling anymore. its just their computers. doing math to probabilistically decide who lives or dies.

i dont have a conclusion. fuck "the economy", fuck the stonk market and fuck liberal journalism, which is one of the most empty and useless things to exist and i cant deal with the cowardice of it all. oh i guess thats kind of a conclusion.


yesterday i picked up a manga bc someone said it was abt communism (dont judge me ok do you know how hard it is to find commie comics??). its called "the promised neverland" and yeah it delivered but like. imagine a sort of children's revolution but w more shounen tropes.

the first part is slower and subtler and after a certain point theres a lot more action and fantasy survivalist post-apocalypse type stuff. and ofc theyre children so its more shocking (no gratuitous gore). if you think youll like it youll like it.

i think the whole thing would feel more original if it didnt follow that very rigid weekly serialized structure and pace. i just cant help but notice these patterns n theres a bunch of other shonen jump series that i think fall into that same flat commercialized pit. but yknow the medium is the message. there is no version of those stories without those constraints.

anyway. im sounding too negative. its pretty good but i think the first part is better. and it IS communist like at no point does the idealistic protag turn around and realize that actually utilitarianism or "survival of the fittest" WAS the right answer all along (ive been burned before)


last night i watched the first guillermo del toro hellboy... yeah not a big fan. kudos to the sfx team and everyone looked like they were having fun. but they just HAD to put in a dumb love triangle, seriously... hellboy? in a love triangle? with the blandest milquetoast human man possible no less?

i know it was to give him ~humanity~ but thats so cheap when he already has PLENTY of humanity and relatable human connections. off the top of my head:

-adopted dad who raised him normal against all odds. ok i appreciate that their relationship was more fleshed out but they didnt even go all the way... its cute. but its meh.

-friendship with fellow freak of nature abe lincoln, the lovely fishman. yes they had banter but it wasnt NEARLY enough.

-friendship with also freak but passes off as normal liz sherman, thats your human element right there. it doesnt NEED to be a romance. but yknow. hollywood superhero market research 2004. liz deserved better.

abe didnt even get to be in the climax. he just stayed home. eating eggs. relatable, but i wanted to see him. oh well. ill just read more of the comic


ideologies and surprise red scare bs on a textbook

classical liberalism: john locke: "the inalienable right to life, liberty, and property"; thomas jefferson: the "natural aristocracy" of talent, ambition, and industry justifies the existence of class; "liberal economics" is just capitalism. throw this one in the trash.

modern liberalism: only wants to "reform" capitalism, not replace it with anything better. still protecting that private property. a glossy paintjob of humanitarianism on top of the decrepit ruins of capitalism. useless.

neoconservatism: quote by charles krauthammer. creepy declarations of bloodthirst for "existential enemies". it doesnt go into much depth. but i know that conservatism is always bs. get out of here.

modern conservatism: "a free-enterprise economy" aka free market good cause freedom good. "human nature" disorganized and violent, existing law and tradition good. oh the guy who said that was a complete royalist. pathetic lipservice to slow and incremental social progress to discourage revolution. preserve the "wisdom of the past" (MAGA). assimilating into strong institutions like family and church repress the "selfish and irrational" impulses of individuals. traaash.

libertarianism: just crank deregulation all the way up. hurray capitalism. do you really need all these separate names if its all the same shit??

neoconservatism: war pigs who hate commies and steal oil from iran.

fascism: aight nothing new here lets just skip it

communism: wow its the only one that mentions class I WONDER WHY... though calling the dissolution of class and seizing of the means of production a "dictatorship of the proletariat" is uh. an interesting choice.

socialism: also want to take down capitalism but are unwilling to get violent and think that peacefully using the existing tools put in place by capitalists is gonna work. also still want a government whos the one making decisions. flimsy. halfway. weak. useless.

its like the weirdest thing to read all this and a comparative chart to find out Are You Conservative, Moderate Or Liberal? they keep coming back to how much "the government" should or shouldnt be involved with "the people" like thats two completely separate and disparate things, which is just the completely wrong mindset. who do you think ends up in that mythical place, "the government", "the (only) ones in power"? thats right. normal regular people. well not really. but therein lies the fuckery.

oh here we go now. "the US has a vital continuing interest in promoting democracy and economic reform in Russia" yeah sure buddy. "Why Communism Collapsed" proceeds to describe a dictatorship like it was the marxist ideal come to life and oooh!! look where it got THEM!! and it all started with that pesky proletariat taking down the monarchy. red scare!! RED SCARE!!!

tired of this shit. how did it take me so long to realize this is an american textbook. where else would you find such shameless proper gander? AAAHJ NEVERMIND SPOKE TOO SOON i just needed to get to the last paragraph of this fucking chapter.

Capitalism does not ensure democracy; some capitalist nations are authoritarian. But capitalism is a necessary condition for democracy. All existing democracies have free-market economies, and no communist system is a democracy.

Above all, the communist system denies individual freedom, political pluralism, and democracy. Force, repression, and indoctrination can be effective over many years. But at some point, the universal human aspiration for personal freedom and dignity emerges to challenge the communist order.

YUP SOUNDS LIKE IRREFUTABLE FACTS TO ME


talk to a friend on the phone when you feel like shit DO IT

I DID IT AGAIN and i even talked to her about how hard it is for me to talk to people and it was GREAT and im drowning in endorphins i was spiralling SO HARD if i hadnt impulsively pressed the call button i wouldve hit ROCK BOTTOM but I DID I PRESSED THE CALL BUTTON AND i CALLED HER and at first i couldnt even come up with words or make sounds cause i was CHOKING on my EVERLASTING ANGUISH but she was so patient so so so patient that she waited until i could say anything and i told her to talk to me abt herself first cause i needed to hear her heavenly voice so bad and know about her so bad and i know that its always a good time to lend an ear so I LENT AN EAR and then it slid naturally into just about anything we talked abt everything and it took me a LONG time to finally tell her abt what had just happened to me that was fucking me up SO bad that i needed to talk to someone (not that you need something fucked up to be happening to talk to your friends). and she was all understanding even without being able to really relate to my situation (which, thank god) and then we talked abt more of everything, which is great cause i wouldnt have wanted it to end at that point just like "yup that was fucked up but im here for you" no. and we talked and we talked and we talked. and i listened to her. and she listened to me. and my heart filled with love. and friendship. and love. MY ARM IS SORE


oh hello tvtropes finally youre gonna useful for somethin. im gonna see how this project compares with the so called common ingredients of the dreaded, boooring "Standard Fantasy Setting":

  • five races of heroic peoples: nope, just regular old humans.

  • functional magic: okay, yeah. it can be wielded but its not designed as any sort of rigid or formulaic system.

    • black magic: NUH UH. thats inherently impossible. with some nuance.

    • squishy wizards: some are squishy, some are stronk. it's not like theyre duking it out. story is abt interpersonal drama, not fighting.

  • the empire, the kingdom, etc: there was *a* monarchy sometime in the past, but now there might be dictatorships or republics or anything like that. its a big mystery.

  • decadent royal courts: no details given, but you can imagine those royals were pretty fuckin dissolute. and then they all died.

  • medieval european fantasy: okay this is the big one. YES theres an old castle on a tall foresty mountain in a continental climate. BUT. the use of english is non-deigetic. its deliberately anachronistic so it might be more analogue to the present or the future. there might not be a monarchy or nobility at all. MYSTERY.

    • christianity or equivalent: well... you know, they came all the way over to my corner of the world so including it is not necessarily eurocentric, ok? yes there are catholics. there just are. bc catholics are everywhere.

    • fantasy counterpart cultures: more like a mishmash of cultures im familiar with and a pinch of futuristic speculation. im thinking to put more effort into mixing in more non european aesthetics to keep it interesting.

    • medieval stasis: nope! the limited timeframe lets me avoid falling into that trap (like 200 years total). the aformentioned anachronism also helps: theres no guns but theres no war going on either. and theres no electricity bc there are alternatives.

  • white magic: its not like that either. the magic isnt inherently benevolent. its a tool that if misused might have terrible results, even without evil intentions.

  • arcadia: here's a tricky one. its very tired to romanticise rural life and it ignores the real struggles of farm workers. so lets not do that. they dont need to be fixated on tradition or "the good old ways". theres drama and disagreements. crops need caring for and thats an investment of time and effort. its complicated and it can be stressful. sometimes the weather fucks things up and the wilderness can be very hostile. if theres anything abt this setting that should feel nitty gritty then its the relationship between people and nature.

  • gorgeous period dress: goodbye to that stiff bs, hello to timeless comfy outfits.

this is just the things that were relevant in some way, theres a buncha elements that are just not there and im glad theyre not there. so id say its a pretty fresh setting.


alright im done with all that now lets look at the journalistic translation facebook group, which... okay. the prof lumped it together w another subject that shes in charge of so there are a bunch of posts that are irrelevant for me. thats not very practical but its not too disorienting i guess.

oh. she just renamed the group to "2020" but shes been using it for several years now... i guess if i need extra material i just gotta scroll down. okay. heres the start of this year.

first post:


1) describing the syllabus. im gonna save that to onenote thanks very much, someone was asking for it

2) reading material with questionnaire, plus recommendation to read the backlog (there you go)

3) 1st translation (send via email)

4) look up difference between quality vs popular papers

5) videocalls?? gotta ask what app we're using

second post:

1) 2nd translation: its images so just in a word doc. 20-something headline + summary combos. due on monday 6/4.

so i have to make folders to download all this


HHHH i guess im looking up how to search for posts in a facebook group because i cant find shit and i need to find the shit and then i ask about something and they tell me yeah theres a post about that. WHERE IS IT IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT I CANT FIND THE LINK.... UHGKJFG its fine. everythings fine. they dont think youre a stupid bastard. they dont think anything. theyre having dinner with their families rn. and watching tv. i know it feels like a big deal but its jsut not. there are so many bigger deals to deal with rn im not being a nuisance im a human being. im not very good at facebook. because i never use facebook. but im smart. so thats just what you gotta tell them. youll just look it up with some more robust technique, youll find it, you tell em "oh yeah i found it now. sorry! im just not very used to facebook (it doesnt make you look stupid, it makes you look humble). thanks!" (thanks for what? just thanks in general. thanks for the heads up. thanks for the interaction. just thanks. thats it


ok let me rubber duck my way out of this.

so youve got your castle. great. now how do you get in. well first youve gotta cross the drawbridge (its down) that goes over the moat. at the end of that bridge theres the outer gate. youve now reached the outer walls. along those walls there are towers. these are just for defense, but theyre big enough that you can repurpose them.

you cross the outer gate. now youre in an outdoors area between the outer and inner gate called a ward. you get to the inner gate. its also open. along these inner walls there are also towers. BUT. these ones have rooms in them. theyre like. "the garden tower" or "the chapel tower". etc. not just at the top, theres also room on the lower floors for more rooms.

anyway. you cross the inner gate. now youre at the courtyard! gardens, buildings left and right, and in front of you, flush with the inner wall, is the keep. its wide, its tall, its the big chungus of the place. just keep going straight, this is the last stretch i swear, and youll get to a nice massive door with big heavy knockers or smth. that door? it goes straight to the great hall. okay? you are IN the party.


im looking at the "benefits and discounts" section of my bank website and its like... i dont understand what the fuck im looking at. it says 20% off all purchases on fridays at the local supermarket... okay... do i have to do something? to get the cashier to shave off that 20%?? or is it automatic?? ive been shopping there for a while but it doesnt mention anything abt a discount happening in the list of transactions. or is this just for online shopping? the terms n services mention something abt "[supermarket name] online" but the terms for all the discounts in general (are these coupons?? they dont look like coupons) say something about excluding digital purchases. and why is the language in these goddamn things so inescrutable.....


got nothing else to do so let me tell you about the dark abandoned castle where the Masked People story takes place... i made a diagram and everything

its on top of a tall mountain and its covered in moss and vines and surrounded by a lush forest. theres a deep green moat thats always eerily still and yet you get the feeling that something lives in its depths.

the big keep in the center is surrounded by a classic square wall with towers at the corners. the towers have been fashioned into:

an auditorium, like a place to play music away from everyone else,

a glass house, with veggie gardens and medicinal gardens,

a laboratory ,for questionable experiments of the type that result in big colorful explosions,

and a workshop, for engineering projects that may or may not be powered by conventional means.

then the keep itself has 2 floors.

the ground floor has an entrance hall for welcoming guests, just in case. but more importantly theres the kitchen! so the heat from cooking rises to the upper floors. and some storage rooms.

in the basement there are more pantries and butteries, the icehouse and even further down, the dungeons. lets not talk abt the dungeons.

the first floor has the great hall, which has been split into two so on one side its a cozier dining room and on the other its a BIG library.

the second floor has all the bedchambers, garderobes and cabinets which are like sitting n chilling rooms.

and then between the wall and the keep theres a well for fresh mountain water and a dovecot of colorful pigeons.

did i miss anything? i think thats pretty much it


hey if you ever feel like shit cause in social media and... media in general theres a pervasive culture where its completely normal to buy yourself new things every day, go on a fashion shopping spree, "spice up the place" with new furniture, get a new phone, use rideshare and delivery services, have a subscription to all the streaming services and impulse buy dumb shit online without batting an eye,

when that shit starts getting into your head, remember:

1. credit cards

2. these mfs are middle high class. they may work full time and pay rent and go to the thrift store, but they have more in common with straight up Richs TM than with the rest of the working class

3. consumerism isnt a personality

youre good ok. even if youre broke youre still probably orders of magnitude more interesting than any of the ppl on tv, youtube and instagram


FUCK tights. that shit has the WORST fucking texture. itchy as all hell. cant put them on without getting static all over the goddamn place. cant put them on without doing this whole stupid fucking process of rolling up this metric ton of polyester in your fucking hands allll the way down to the feet (at which point you realize theres a hole in the toes or the heel that you dont have TIME to mend) and then meticulously sheath your lower body in synthetic snakeskin ONE LEG AT A TIME lest you waste even MORE of your morning smoothing out bumps and when you make ONE wrong move and catch your nail on the fabric it tears to SHIT in the most visible places. the only valid tights are colorful ones that you wear for fun and whimsy. shoutout to my opaque white tights that are perfect for that ballerinx aesthetic. uniforms are bullshit in general but uniform tights esp in that ugly ass tan or so sheer it doesnt even look like you have anything on are the PINNACLE of bullshit """fashion"""


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