✨ rené | 20 | he/him | ⚧️⚣ | personal chatter of a hopeful romantic | art blog: dv-art ✨
misspellings of long words are never not gonna be funny to me bc i know theyre totally justified and i feel you
a list of words that i can never spell right when typing moderately fast:
they hit me with those arities and ilities and i just keysmash and go back to right click-suggestions it later
i probably just need to take out a loan to buy a proper fucking phone that can run fucking applications and has a working fucking headphone jack so i can call friends with the smallest fucking level of privacy and occasionally maybe even take and post a photo on social media. can you fucking imagine lol??? and also get into a contract with a national company for a remote dead end job so they periodically put a pathetic amount of money in my acct that i can take out and use. for goods and services. fucking god
hey. look at me. you are wayyyyy too fuckin good to get emotionally invested in the fact that you cant do this one task bc youre literally locked out of a company account and you dont have the keys. you dont. metaphorically im standing outside this account, and hollering at the corporate mans window like hey. i need to get in there to do 20 minutes' worth of stupid easy work. youre the only one with the key. can you let me in. so i can do te work. and he just keeps ignoring me, and at the end of the day he climbs down a stupid little spiral staircase and comes out and is like. how come you didnt do the work. and im like im locked out. and he literally said, in written words but ive had the misfortune of hearing his recorded voice, "then unlock yourself." WH- i tell you. business man brain is just good for nothing. he has another job and i dont know anything about it but the most probable thing is that hes burned out to a crisp by the time he shows up on slack and then hes falling asleep as he tells me to work on several company accounts that i dont have access to, right after i spelled out the exact situation in the most patient diplomatic way possible.
so rn im at a physical disadvantage, but this is the moment of truth where i have to exhale the biggest whatever in the universe.... whatever. ...oooohh WHATEVER. there are so many things in the world worth being mad about. this is not it. i will forget 100% of this exactly seven days from now and itll have no impact on my life. so heres the verdict.
itll work out
also i have a 04:47 hour long transcription to do for nine and a half blue ones hohohoho i dont know if you call them blue ones but i mean the other major cur/rency that isnt the green ones. you know the ones i mean. im a fuckin professional. i work. i do shit for money. im not gonna stop bragging about that anytime soon. this post is for the puposes of accountability
nodding off on my chair every 30 seconds only to get reinvigorated byy the thought of donating my very first paycheck to waterfall hhhhhhh
i dont care if they say hey youre slow as fuck on these things dude!!! dont give a shit. bc its literally training, okay? im not neglecting actual clients. im just doing these tests, they test my ability to compose a brilliant email containing a sales pitch with technical details of an entire fuckin platform. guess what? that doesnt take just 10 minutes. first of all bc im doing it for the first time ever. second of all bc im a non marketing expert writing essentially marketing material in email form. so every. single. word. counts. and every little thing makes the difference between no money and yes money. and despite everything im glad that these bigheads are smart enough to ask for all these samples and screen them and test them, instead of throwing me out there to become an overnight email salesman and putting the blame on me when i inevitably have suboptimal communication w The Prospects and lose em. you know. im glad.
theyre not gonna fire me. ive seen them. they fire ppl for not showing up for 2 days in a row, not filing reports, doing low priority tasks before high priority tasks. i know up from down, i painstakingly write reports on eeeverything, and i show up at 6 with a good morning everyone that goes unanswered but i know that its aknowledged. theyre just gonna keep telling me dude youre slow. hurry up. and ill be like i will. and i will bc its not gonna be literally the first time that im doing these things. and theyll be like im glad you finally sped up. and i wont say anyhting but inside im like "its a goddamn process"
good news! i actually misread the fuckin reversed american date on the transc site test and im getting the results by tomorrow!! not on the 11th... lol
also do not be mistaken: the job i have right now is not a good job. but it is a real job. like im not handling things that literally dont exist and are meaningless garbage like... the stock market. or artificially blowing up site stats. so thats comforting
day 22 i slept for 4 hours and then got up and had a pretty stressful 2 hours of trying do do some shit at work before the obligatory clock out time, and it didnt work out but luckily nobody actually got mad, just frustration all around, so now im saving face by being like dont worry mr man [im your greatest asset] :) im gonna work around the clock in my own time to catch up and find my bearings by the end of my first week! thats my expertly crafted worksona. the company is the most important thing to him. and he just works and works and hes great at it. [the greatest]. little do mr man and his cohorts know. that off the record i dont have to worry about the amazon surveillance bullshit, so the whole time im working im watching aaanime onliiine. and theyll never know that im actually twice as productive that way. also i dunno if you can tell but i put 2 spoonfuls of coffee in my cup today. yeah thats right i drink instant. you think ive got the time to brew beans?? with all this shit ive got going on??? come on now. also im mad that that the transcription thing i signed up to is gonna take a week to review my test to start working there. are you kidding me. its 6 minutes. if you have a queue at least tell me you have a queue and tell me where i am in that queue. but dont tell me it takes you 8 days. ok enough complaining im not in a bad mood. time to tippity type
kellie rainbow is her real name omg
day 18 im kinda high on painkillers and dont worry i didnt engage in any risky behavior with money in the end. mostly because im too much of a certified loser to do anything. if you know what im talking about then you know. i dont like to type anything specific that is money related into devices. anyway. um. i worked. i dozed off on the clock for a minute at some point so the amazon spyware was like um. hello? we are uncomfortable when we are not talking about me? *bats eyelashes* idiot machine from jeff bozo. wow im sounding like im angry but im really not im just joshin wait hold on mr man finally appeared on slack. oh my god. hes upset that me and the rest of the new guys cant get a handle on his non instructions. you know, when the most important part of the interview was "describe this process step by step" i got the slightest impression that this guy had a penchant for methodically laying out processes and systems. or at least basic communication skills. but alas. neither is present ah AH AHHH he BACKED OFF. recognizing that its perfectly reasonable that i dont know wtf hes asking me for. YA BETTER. im really gonna have to handhold this man thru the process of explaining things with words that you write. i was born ready for this. also? i got some bonus mental health points from rehydrating a dry as fuck chicken with a blanket of freshly chopped tomato, red bell pepper and olive oil. and lettuce on top for color and texture variation. ecco la trasformazione
a heartfelt letter to karen
hey, karen? (not her real name but close enough). the first thing you said to me even tho it was completely unprompted and irrelevant was that youre 38 years old. now, youre either supremely out of touch or just a a twisted fuckin cycle path. i dont know how to explain to you that you do NOT. im struggling to even put it into words like something that a human being would just go out and. do. you do NOT DELIVER THE NEWS OF WHETHER OR NOT I GOT THE JOB THROUGH A SERIES OF CRYPTIC DOWNRIGHT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORTUROUS CIRCUS RINGMASTER-TYPE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN DRUMROLL PULL BACK THE CURTAIN SHINE THE SPOTLIGHT ON AN EMPTY SPOT AS THE AUDIENCE WAITS WITH BAITED BREATH FOR THE ORCHESTRA BAND TO EXHALE THE FIRST FANFARE ANNOUNCEMENT PEPPERED WITH ENOUGH ELLIPSES TO DRAW A SMALL POINTILLIST RAISED MIDDLE FINGER IN FRONT OF MY BELEAGUERED AND WORLDWEARY FACE
YOU ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*DONT*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
HHAHHH HAHHAHHAHAHHAHHA AHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAA HOOOOOOOO BOY OH BABY OH HOT DA hold on shes listing equipment reuirements. oh shit. what hte fuck is this . huh?? handheld organizer?? hm. no no i wont le this dampen my glory. im gonna make things work however the fuck.
interviewer: what are your collaborative work ethic problem solving resources for multitasking that challenge time management abilities for engaging product ambiguity adopting a proactive flexible mindset for the quality transition over high priority service provider team project deadlines with processes and systems for dynamic timing of delivery in iterative commodity of client satisfaction?
interviewee: i have experience in career development part-time aministrative duties with short term customer support and customer management consolidating specialized leadership positions for self-motivatied problem solving autonomous task supervision that align with company values in an opportunity to formulate and offer creative solutions as learning opportunities for customer satisfaction communicating organizational skills of task prioritization with an open channel of communication to maximize company profits
interviewer: youre hired