ramblings of a hopeful romantic | 🎨 art blog: divo.waterfall.social | ☕ commissions: ko-fi.com/rdivo
im so pumped also its like 2 am for me i got my sleep interrupted oh my gooood
its here. i have to go pick it up
been having daily traumatic flashbacks. thats my big struggle rn i guess. the human mind is truly the ultimate factory of joy and horror
oh my god.
im sooo happy. im so happy. its incredible. there are no words to describe how happy i am. i did it. i survived rock bottom. i made it through. im on the other side. im alive. im here. i am here. im just. its just so crazy that the future doesnt exist yet until the moment that you get there. you bite and claw your fuckin way there. and then the fuckin mission impossible door closes behind your back and it NEVERRR opens again. NEVER. its DONE. the future doesnt exist yet and the past is a memory. 🤷 dude. i am metaphorically in a folding chair watching the sunset. not literally bc i dont have a folding chair. yeah my chest binder only gets here in a couple days but it is coming instead of being stuck in the limbo of "when am i gonna be able to place the order?". its coming. because i made it happen. ❤
i am literally unknowable, unfathomable, imperceptible, unimpregnable ♠️
not a smart idea to take a shower before writing and reading important messages (dizzy emoji) im strong. im powerful. ive been rolling with the punches all week and i dont stop. dont get the wrong idea. its not talking that gives you the sickness. its a good thing. phone is not a sick object that you have to avoid. the sickness comes from somwhere else.
i did it i feel extremely confident again. this is the real me. this is my actual personality. i love being a little obnoxious, it never killed anyone.
here i am trying to send messages again. i feel like this is gonna take up the rest of my evening
ugh arms and neck hurt and ive got a scar but that hot shower really helped. gonna text a sun emoji to signal that im not just awake but alert now
i got a fresh cut but im crying too hard to take a photo. anyone wanna wish me a happy birthday? would really appreciate it. k...
i just got new trauma 🙁 fuck this shit, i had enough already. goddamn assault and verbal abuse. fucking nightmare. but it is a little bit funny to post abt it like a new pair of shoes. fuck its hard to see the keyboard thru tears. its like. no. i am not going to dignify this shit by treating it like a grandiose thing that defines my life and i can never get over it and it gets like a whole chapter in my biography or some shit. fuck that. i resent that. im just so fucking sad and temporarily defeated and full of hatred for the ppl that have wronged me. but my friends are supporting me and thats the most important thing. i will survive utmost cruelty. im surviving already. i survive injustice and cruelty. i survive
about to spend 30 minutes to an hour giving myself a haircut. chop chop ✂️
the minutiae of food as a love language
cooking for a friend. cooking together. sharing the food. serving each other the food. and drinks. eating together. burning your mouth bc you couldn't wait any longer. praising the cook. intensely personal toasts. eating is vulnerable. when you're hungry you're needy. when you're full you're heavy. maybe warm. probably unavailable for a kiss. yeah.
stuff i drew to ride the wave of tachycardia and sweating that comes with sending the first texts of the day. im ok now 💪
dream 1: the queen of england recorded one last christmas song before passing away on an innovative physical medium: a giant amorphous frozen pizza. the first part of the recording was broadcast (defrosted) live on tv, but the rest got corrupted so i had to go into the giant royal freezer and scrape off the pizza to throw it away
dream 2: a videogame company created a ridesharing network of vehicles full of water so you pay to be in the vehicle for a while, but if you stay in after the time limit the water gets drained out. and i guess thats bad
dream 3: when you jump over a specific wall, you fall down the layers of the world, starting with stone towers and floating armies dressed like tin soldiers in a blue sky and ending with a white virtual space showing you what the people you only met once are doing now. and at the bottom is a white and blue burning grid
dream 4: our high school signed up my class for a dating show filmed in a forest camp cabin where the goal was to end a 10 minute date in front of everyone else with a kiss. i'm in the closet so i'm nervous to ask if i can date one of the girls. but they're on board with it bc it'll make good television. there's a dress-up montage, i spend the date trying really hard to be an active listener, and in the end i don't even kiss her on the lips bc she didn't get the signal and straightened up and looked away at that moment so i just kinda nuzzle her neck. come ON where's the wish fulfillment?? she was nice though. i think she wanted to stay together when dating show camp was over
okay the fight is over for today. gonna listen to the come (x5) along now song
sooo ridiculous that whispering too much can strain your throat. its literally the lowest effort thing i can do with it. that's like if overclocking and underclocking a processor were both intensive tasks. ok i don't actually know if that's the case, it might be. that would also be quite ridiculous. but anyway. so much for subterfuge and surreptitiousness.
ok lets put all the cards on the table. no dancing around it. i have some kinda condition that makes it so if i dont talk to my friends often enough i get sick. i get physically diseased. my body starts falling apart. but talking to them gets rid of the symptoms. so you have the disease. and you have the medicine. i have to take the medicine. skipping a dose only makes it harder to take the next one. so. yeah. its not about how likeable i am or worthy or something about guilt or selfishness or whatever. this is about my health. and for as much as i complain about the many things that are out of my control, this is the one good thing i can do for myself and for them and for us. to meet our needs. i have this one thing and nobody can take it away
the willpower that i just had to exert to stop myself from following the selfie i sent to a friend with "idk is sending selfies like a vanity thing? because i dont mean it that way. i just wanna say "hi" by like showing you my face you know?". my friends are cool!! its okay i dont need to nervously explain everything that has even the slight chance of being taken as a mildly annoying thing. thats not me. thats the anxiety speaking. and it can babble away at my ear all it wants but in the end im the one pressing the send button 💋
i feel like death incarnate dude. time to listen to the wide putin walkin songbabushka
ngl I was curious, so I looked it up and honestly? Not bad. I listened to the whole thing. Good bop.
the name is Song for Denise (Maxi Version) by Piano Fantasia 💃🎹💎
i feel like death incarnate dude. time to listen to the wide putin walkin song
yeah i love drawing. end of the post
i win the world 🎁 i love living. i love life. being a human rules. the moments of happiness make it all worth it
I've repotted these bad bois and put the drainage thing on top instead of stones / sand sonthis isn't all drainage it is like this
photo first, drying out the rainy hair later 🌧️